The Manager
"Lord, if you must give me foul breath can't I have smaller nose?"
Brendan Rogers celebrated his appointment as Liverpool manager in the traditional manner, with a refreshing visit to a Toxteth brothel. He hired the whole venue to himself, all 11 prostitutes plus 7 subs. He called the skanks together for a team meeting. "I've got three envelopes here," he said, "and each contains a name. These are the girls that I think are going to let Brendan Rogers down."
There is obviously a long and extremely disgusting story about what Brendan got up to that night, but to be honest I'm a bit tired of telling stories. I've done a Dear Deidre photo casebook instead! You know, to make a change.
Current form
It's nice in these days of wanton spending to see a minnow club upsetting the Big Five. At time of writing, Liverpool FC are TOP of the Premier League. It gives a novel, retro look to the league table. I'm all for it. However brief their stay proves to be, at least Liverpool fans will be able to look back over the previous two decades and point to a fleeting instant when they were more successful than Man Utd.
One to watch
I made a cartoon about Steven Gerrard too! I'm all about making cartoons this week!
Top Wag
It wouldn't surprise me if there comes a point where the head all but disappears, leaving perhaps just a small and vestigial nubbin pointing up from between the boob crevice. A reminder of our primitive past. I'm pretty sure this is what Darwin had in mind.
Things people say about Liverpool
"Liverpool were big in the 80s, but then so were polar ice caps. Things change." - Arsene Wenger"I went to watch Aspas but all he did was dribble." - Joe Kinnear
